I wrote this poem many moons ago, maybe around 2020, but I wanted to take some time to reflect on it now because I’ve grown so much since the young woman who first put these words on paper. I’m not going to lie, even though I’m not a big dater and don’t often fall into romantic fantasies. I’ve always considered myself a bit of a hopeless romantic, because I love the topic haha. Maybe even more so when I was younger and more naive. It takes me quite a while to open up to someone in a romantic sense, and because of that, when I do fall for someone, it can feel like a really intense and even scary experience.

Looking back, I’ve only had a couple moments where I’d say I was a little delusional in attraction. Not love, as I have only experienced that once. But I don’t shame myself for those experiences. I was young and needed to learn the lessons that only life and experience can teach.

My first relationship taught me a lot about myself and what true love really means to me. Some would say I have an unromantic way of approaching partnership. Growing up, I witnessed a lot of disillusionment in the relationships around me, and I think part of me became determined to redefine what love and partnership could look like. I’ve been a little obsessed with understanding it, because when the experience does come into my life again, I don’t want to suffer unnecessarily. I want to meet it with awareness, not fantasy.

When I wrote this poem, I was beginning to understand that love is so much more than the fantasy. I’ll probably go deeper into that in another post, but the main realization I had at the time was that true love, is freedom. And I know that’s hard to grasp, especially when we’re young. We’re often taught that love means sticking around no matter how much it hurts, or that the more you suffer for someone to choose you, the more you love them. But I’ve come to believe that’s not what love really is.

At the same time, I don’t think love is just easy breezy with no ups and downs. On the contrary, romantic love is meant to help you grow. Ideally, both people are committed to growing together without losing their individuality.

I’ve seen people lose their sense of self in relationships, and that’s always been something that’s truly scared me. I’ve also seen people stay in relationships long past their expiration date, afraid to move on, even when their body and soul are clearly telling them it’s time.

I think love, at its core, is wanting the other person to be happy, even if that means letting them go. When I left my first relationship, I was so afraid. Not just of leaving, but of hurting him. Deep down, I knew my life was calling me somewhere else, and if I stayed, I would eventually become someone he might grow to hate, because I couldn’t be the person he wanted me to be. And he couldn’t be the person I hoped he would become. We were meant for a small chapter, and the love we shared was real. But it wasn’t meant to last forever. It was perfect for my youth, but not for the woman I was growing into. The woman I needed to spread my wings and become. That’s totally okay. But we often fight that truth. We cling until it turns into resentment, until we can’t even look at each other without remembering the pain instead of the love.

When others have hurt me, it’s rarely been because they left for someone else. By all means, live your truth. What’s hurt me most has been the silence and the cowardliness of people. The lack of honesty. Being left with nothing but my own stories and assumptions. The disrespect. Being used for someone’s temporary gain and then discarded, as if I didn’t matter. Like they could just wipe their hands clean and say, “Well, I don’t owe them anything.”

Excuse me, I’m a human being. Who allowed you into my personal space. Nothing is sacred anymore. No integrity in their spirit.

Still, even in that pain, the lessons have been profound. I’ve learned that love is not a fantasy born of instant attraction, nor is it a lifelong sacrifice disguised as devotion. It’s so much more than that. I believe love could be so much easier if people were simply more honest. Not brutally or carelessly, but gently, with consideration and kindness. And just as important, we need to learn how to receive honesty. That’s something we often overlook as a society, listening when people tell us who they are, even if it’s not what we want to hear. Why would you ever want to intentionally hurt someone you once called your favorite person? Or someone you once felt a spark for? Why do people become so brutal when it’s all said and done?

Personally, I think it’s because many of us don’t know what true love really is. We don’t even know what true connection feels like. More often than not, it’s the attraction of our wounds and unspoken urges, projected onto someone else. Or worse, it’s our attachment wounds disguised as love. Too often, we try to control people or shape them into who we want them to be, instead of allowing them to be who they truly are. I wrote this piece during a time when I was beginning to understand what unconditional love meant to me. And how it has more to do with freedom, growth, respect, and truth than with fantasy, control, or possession.

Anyway, I still have so many thoughts. I’ve realized I might be slightly obsessed with the topic/psychology of relationships, but I think that’s because they’re such a powerful mirror. They teach you about yourself, your patterns, your wounds, your hopes. I hope to write more on the subject soon, there’s so much to explore. Please enjoy this piece.

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I hope you leave feeling a little more inspired.

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