So I haven’t been able to sit down and truly focus on anything creative. My mom has been hospitalized for over a month due to cancer complications, and along with my job, which has the most inconvenient hours, my days have been in some rough waters as of late. Also, if you pray, please pray for my mom, Francisca, that her health may take a turn for the better. I would greatly appreciate all the prayers of love and healing for her. She is one of the loves of my life. I know I am quite capable of loving by the way I feel whenever I am near my mother. Especially during these difficult days, I don’t think I have ever experienced love for another person the way I have while caring for a sick parent. It has shown me that I am capable of immense amounts of love.

I took some time away to de-stress by traveling to the motherland with my padre. While I thought I would be able to get some work done over there, I found myself avoiding everything and just being present with nature. I did get some reading done, and obviously a new topic came to mind for a YouTube series I’d eventually like to do once I finish The Interior Castle.

I’ve been wanting to start new things and seek new ventures, but as I am continuously shown, my life is not one of manifesting lists. I’ve learned my path is the path of surrender because nothing I ever want comes when I want it or will it. God constantly pulls me in directions that feel out of my control, and I’m usually kicking and screaming, wondering why the experience is happening to me. It’s not until things come full circle that I’m shown, “Oh thank God I didn’t get that, because otherwise this other thing wouldn’t have happened.”

So my path isn’t necessarily by design, but by a constant nudge to surrender and allow God’s will to take over mine. There are things I have been asking God for for years, and zilch, nada… I get silence. So I have come to the conclusion that it is in my best interest that my will shall not be done just yet. You know what I mean? Anyway, the last few months have been quite difficult on me, my mind, and my body. I’ve had zero desire to do anything creative, as I find myself constantly exhausted. Simultaneously, I’ve seen an increase in my YouTube and blog engagement, which I find quite odd because when I was pining and yearning for growth… nothing. Nada. Maybe a little here and there. Anyway, my videos will have to take a little break until I have the mental capacity to sit and record again, which shall be soon!

Also, THANK YOU!! To everyone who has followed me. I am truly so grateful, and you’ve added a lot of smiles to some pretty gloomy days. Knowing someone out there has resonated with what I’m learning reminds me that I’m not the only weirdo obsessed with this stuff. My goal is to finish the Interior Castle series this year, God willing. On the bright side, I’ve been reading a new book that has completely captivated me. I’m currently making my way through it, and I thought I’d start a written series on it. Once I’m done with The Interior Castle, I’ll create the video series, but I wanted to get my thoughts down in writing first because I find that creating from what I’m reading helps me quite a lot integrate what I’m learning.

I’ve been diving into the book that inspired St. Teresa of Ávila herself. Naturally, I was watching an old Spanish rendition of St. Teresa of Ávila’s life, which was very well done, I might add. There’s an episode where St. Teresa is reading the famous book The Third Spiritual Alphabet. She’s sobbing into the book, clearly deeply moved by what she’s reading, and that definitely got my feathers ruffled. I had actually peeked at the book on my Amazon list before, but I didn’t feel ready to read it back then. I didn’t think I had the brain capacity to truly understand it, you know what I mean?

The book was written by a guy named Francisco de Osuna. To my knowledge—and I guess I should have guessed—The Third Spiritual Alphabet is actually the third book in a series of Spiritual Alphabet books that he wrote on the spiritual journey and the progression of contemplative prayer. Francisco de Osuna was a Catholic priest in the 1500s and basically changed the lives of St. Teresa of Ávila and St. John of the Cross with his writings. He wrote about how he believed we all had the capacity to reach these deep contemplative prayers and levels of connection with God. Back in the day, many thought only a select few people could reach them. Or maybe more people could reach deeper union with God, but there was a fear that, if not guided correctly, people could go down the wrong path because the ego—or the devil—is always trying to trick us and move us in the wrong direction. Without proper spiritual guidance, you could take a turn into a place that isn’t necessarily the path toward union, but deeper pride.

Also, the Spanish Inquisition was casually happening, and let’s just say it wasn’t exactly a shining moment in Catholic Christian history. It was a brutal time where religion, politics, and power became deeply intertwined, creating an atmosphere of fear and suspicion. Even books on contemplative prayer could come under scrutiny if authorities believed they might lead people astray. The Third Spiritual Alphabet was banned during different periods because some believed it could encourage the wrong kind of spirituality or be misunderstood. They were also dealing with the beginning of Protestantism, so there was a lot of resistance around anything that seemed to step outside accepted teaching, among MANY other things that were going on during that period. But I don’t have time to go down a full history lesson, so bear with me on the very quick summary.

I found reading the book to be much easier than I was initially expecting. I mean, don’t get me wrong… does it take me an entire day to read two pages? Yes. But only because the depth packed into each sentence is crazy. When I found out that they made St. Teresa burn her copy of the book, I was like, “Okay girl… curiosity has hit a new level. We must get the dang book.”

So anyway, I’ve been reading it, and while I was reading I thought to myself, all these modern day spiritual teachers all claim to have discovered these new ways of thinking, and let me tell you, baby… no they didn’t. Because my man Francisco de Osuna was out here talking about the split self since the 1500s. It also makes me realize that even though we feel much more evolved than people back then… are we really? Because it seems like we were having the exact same existential crises as them, minus better electricity and living conditions. St. Teresa and St. John of the Cross started their teachings as a direct result of what? Religious people becoming too involved with governments and forgetting what the point of their spiritual life was actually for.

He breaks down the spiritual journey using the alphabet. Each letter leads with a central theme and explores how it relates to the psyche, the resistance we experience while seeking union with God, the hypocrisy of the miserable self, and how we love to indulge in our own fantasies of superiority and judgment. The most important way to recognize that you’re truly progressing spiritually will always be in the love that grows within you and the love that grows for those around you.

Basically, nothing can be done by our own human will. It has to come from our desire and from the grace God gives us to progress, while knowing that at every point the dark one will try to confuse us on our path toward union with God because his greatest fear is seeing us at peace and totally surrendered to God’s light working within our lives.

Humility is the central virtue to adopt.

Anyway, I’ll be breaking down the letters as I learn them. Stay tuned for the first drop: the Letter A and its central theme… Union.

XOXO.

I hope you leave feeling a little more inspired by this rant.

I really just wanted an excuse to write.

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