I am continuing my streak of the classics and have been reading The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. This one is lengthy. She thick, okay Haha. Originally, it was published in 1844 as an 18-part novel series, until, at some point in history, the parts were combined into a single novel. This novel is different from all of the other books I have been reading recently. It is not a love story or one about growing out of social expectations. It also doesn’t have a female lead and instead centers around a male character named Edmond Dantes.

I’m a little over a quarter into the book, I felt called to read it because it has orbited my existence for a while. A few people whom I admire had mentioned it being a favorite of theirs. I have never seen any of the movies or series, so I was looking forward to the challenge of discovering the story blindly. Because it is so lengthy and new themes arise as Dantes evolves, I wanted to write about the first life lesson I can relate to while it is still fresh in my mind. (Also I take detours into my own life and how the themes reflect in my own growth. So I apologize this isn’t a regular book report.) So far, I really, really like it. I can see why so many people say such good things. Dunas writes a remarkably detailed story that keeps you sucked in like you’re gliding through an epic movie in your head.

The first major lesson of the story revolves around envy, jealousy, pride, judgment and human nature to scheme and sabotage, but also naivety and the dangers of not being aware of the reality of what our existence can stir in others. Dantes is a young French sailor who has his whole life ahead of him. He is young, handsome, and, overall, a genuinely good person with a good head on his shoulders. He is hardworking, with the promise of a big promotion that will change the course of his life from humble beginnings to becoming a well-off sailor. He is dedicated to his father and does his duties as a son. He’s days away from marrying the love of his life, Mercedes, and is about to enter a time of pure happiness and bliss.

There is only one personal downfall to Dantès: he’s young and has no true life experience. Life, as it does to all of us, hasn’t humbled him or shown him the truth of the world. He is naive and good-hearted by nature, and he fails to see the danger surrounding him. I feel like anyone who comes into this world with a good-hearted disposition must go through the pains of the world working overtime to snatch that light from you. Is there a support group where we can share our stories of being blindsided when the rug was ripped from under us and we faced that first blow of betrayal and sabotage? Ugh, if I only knew then what I know now, haha. Dantes has invited the green-eyed monster, and because he is naive he has no clue what human beings are capable of when they are driven by fear and ambition. The book has a quote that says, “Happiness renders even the wicked good.” To me, this means that when we’re young and naive, filled with good fortune or a sunny disposition, it’s hard to see the cruelty around us. When someone is genuinely happy or wants to see the good in the world, they can’t fathom others being bitter or unkind for no reason because they’re projecting their own disposition onto others.

Envy has many stages. First, you begin to fixate on the many reasons why you don’t like someone. Everything the envied or judged person does ruffles your feathers. Scoffing at their behavior, with that crinkle in your brow at their presence. You begin to blame the person for your judgments and why the individual’s personality is the cause of your discomfort. People who are trapped in their own pride rarely are able to self reflect on why they feel the way they do about someone, who hasn’t actually done anything to them. They begin to try to find every reason in the book why their hate and unkindness is justified. Maybe you trigger inadequacy in them. Maybe you have a promise in life that they themselves once had. Or maybe they have a prideful stance on who they want you to be, and you’re not staying in line with that story. Maybe they feel they are better than you. It could be literally anything.

I have had some really hard lessons with people and continue to have them. I try really hard to understand why they’re acting like a damn WEIRDO. I have had to learn, I will never understand why. Sometimes they have more than you, and they still find a reason to hate your guts, so trying to understand is pointless. Recently someone near me was being passive aggressive towards me, so I called it out, politely. I asked them if they could please tell me what I had done to offend them or why they were acting so weird towards me, so I could understand it or correct it. I called it out because I no longer want to drive myself crazy when I have no other choice but to be around them. This behavior drives me crazy. It sucks all my energy because I’m hyper aware of the other person. Their energy is off. Their eyes are like daggers, scoffing as I come into the room. It’s always the same with every weirdo. If you tell me what I did, then maybe I can fix it or work on it. But as always, when I ask the million dollar question, what did I do wrong, the other person says, “Well, there are a few things I could tell you about yourself, but I won’t because I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Then they go on to say things about my personality and how they don’t like it and how they think I should act in a way they find more tolerable.

This used to always get to me. I think when I was younger I always had this fear of being misunderstood or looked down on. I just wanted to explain to them how I wasn’t a bad person. I would go into overdrive trying to explain myself and why I was the way I was. Catastrophizing every flaw because I just needed to reach a certain level of perfection, so I could stop ruffling so many damn feathers. Anyway, when I stick to the present moment and ask again, I wasn’t asking you about what you thought about my personality. I’m asking what did I do to make you upset, tell me the action so I can understand. See, I’m the kind of person who just needs to understand. I’m a thinker. I think really hard, all the damn time. I like to evolve. If you correct a wise person, the Bible says they will love you because you have made them wiser. But if you correct a mocker, they will hate you. A mocker hates correction because correction threatens the image they have of themselves. Jesus also warns us not to throw our pearls before swine. Some people aren’t looking for truth or growth. They just want to tear you down, for you to hate yourself and elevate them. What I have observed is that usually people never tell me the action that I did. It’s just some vague explanation that carries a series of low blows with the intention to hurt my feelings. They proceed to tell me how my personality is horrific and they’re doing me a favor by treating me like a human being and I should be more grateful.

When people tell me, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” and then proceed to do or say something that does exactly that, I always know they don’t respect me, nor do they mean me any well because we are speaking different languages. The individual is lacking so much self awareness, they usually think they have some special insight that my unworthy ass could never understand. They’re usually projecting some internalized thing they themselves need to work on, and I have successfully triggered the demon to finally bring it into the light. I’m telling them how their actions remove my dignity as a human being, and they’re going on about how my personality irritates them. Usually these people don’t last very long in my life, as I am swift to remove myself from people who have no grace for me and think I will stand around accepting their cruelty, asking me to convince them why I don’t suck. Yeah, maybe I do suck, but guess what? You suck too. I’m 100% of the time giving you grace and allowing your odd behavior to exist in my orbit, and I don’t go around making it a point to punish you just because I don’t like it. Why would I do that?

I have become so self analyzing that there is nothing you could tell me that I probably haven’t already understood I need to work on. Personally, I kind of like my personality. I don’t really care if you like it or don’t. You know what is one thing I can stand on all ten toes and affirm? I have integrity. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I don’t scheme to get my way. I am not cruel or lacking generosity in my spirit. I might feel the breeze of bitterness when I think things are unfair, maybe even sulk on it for a while, but I think about it really hard until I come to the conclusion that it’s my problem, my lesson, and I need to move on.

Most people think you’re scheming like them, though. I see it in their eyes. They think I’m the boogeyman, ready to get them, when I’m literally sitting at home watching anime, knitting, and reading my books. I ain’t scheming like you, weirdo. If you think I’m gonna bend the knee and kiss your ass to get you to understand me, please, oh please, don’t have a bad opinion of me. Nope, it’s not gonna happen. I only cry to God to understand me and love me, and thats a given. Most likely I’m gonna leave you alone because why would I be around people who hate my guts? 

If you’re lucky enough, most of the time envious, judgmental, or prideful people can’t stand you so much they begin to isolate you, grouping together, gathering their minions, and justifying their hate towards you. Honestly, when you’re naive and young, it’s hard not to take the blatant exclusion personally. Throughout my time in life, I have learned that it is the best place to be. When they don’t leave you alone, that is when you’re in the most danger, or worse, when they want close proximity like a moth to a flame. They hate you, but they also can’t get enough of you. The mind of a prideful, envious, or judgmental person is to take what you have because they believe it should be theirs. Or sometimes they don’t even want what you have. They just don’t want you to have it. You have become the target of their hate, and their goal will be to relieve themselves of the discomfort they think you are causing them. The final stage of envy, pride, and judgment is to eliminate the target. If they can’t become you, they’ll try to erase you.

Anyway, poor Dantes is unaware of the dangers of his own naivety because he’s young, he’s a hard worker, he’s been raised right, he’s dedicated to the responsibilities of his life. He thinks, If I do what I’m supposed to do, mind my business, and help those around me, why would anyone target me? I’m unimportant in the grand scale of things. I’m a nobody. He’s literally dumbfounded when he finds out that a group of men are scheming to sabotage him. One of the men wants to bring him down because he is bitter that this younger guy is getting the promotion he believes he’s entitled to but hasn’t put in the work to deserve. Another because he wants the woman Dantes is engaged to and doesn’t want her to end up with him. Another just because he’s known him for so long as the poor kid from the block and wants to keep him in his place. Lastly, one who is seeking his own ambition doesn’t even know him but finds a way to justify his actions. As long as it serves his ambition to move up the ranks in society, an innocent bystander is nothing to him.

When Dantes meets his mentor, the Abbé, who realizes Dantes is stuck in his mind, turning loops trying to figure out why these people have plotted against him, he teaches him a few lessons. “Human beings are not naturally inclined toward evil. In a healthy moral state, people instinctively recoil from committing crimes. Greed, ambition, envy, and artificial desires can corrupt that natural goodness. Civilization or societies create new wants, status, wealth, and power, that can overwhelm a person’s conscience.” But most people avoid being good because the noise of the world has become louder than what they know to be good action. He teaches Dantes that happiness is good, but it is more valuable to become wise and clear about the world around you. Learning how to think properly will be your only true source of armor in this sometimes wicked world. Because if you’re a naive kid thinking you’re just gonna be la la la, it will lead you straight into the devil’s den.

There are many things I learned in the book, but to keep it short, I’ve learned that it is not always good to parade your happiness around or tell everyone everything about yourself because it doesn’t always bring good attention. You think, I’m just sharing my happiness with the world. What’s wrong with that? Think about it. Why do we have to share every part of our lives with people? You know what I notice in modern society with social media? We have created a society that breeds and thrives on envy and jealousy from others. We want all the followers, we want all the likes, and we want to curate the perfect page that shows how amazing and blessed our lives are. We openly give envy access to come into our lives because nothing is sacred anymore. We have turned into naive Dantes, who can’t fathom why his happiness would make others angry.

I personally have never been someone who enjoys other people being envious of me. I don’t like that kind of attention. I have felt the slow pain of the knife being struck into my back by people who I thought were my friends. I have tried to convince people I am not anyone they should worry about, and I have learned that at any sign of envy or prideful judgment, I need to protect myself. I recently went on a deleting spree of followers. Ugh, I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to truly come to a place where you’re like, Why do I need all these eyes on my life? Why do I need to show these people that my life is so great? Most of the time they ain’t gonna be wishing me well anyway, so DELETE.

I read in this book called The Imitation of Mary that when you’re receiving graces or growing spiritually, it’s better not to parade them around. Obviously, use the gifts God has given you, but don’t make them a spectacle for everyone to see. If you have wisdom or knowledge, use it when you’re called to, but don’t go around sharing it with everyone and their moms. Continue on as if there is nothing special about you because, honestly, those things should only be given thanks to God for. If you think they are yours, as if you created them from nothing, you’re no longer walking in humility. Just as our Creator is able to give, He can also take away if you’re out here doing harm with what He’s given you.

Anyway, it’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I personally have had the mouth of a fool for a long time. Don’t let my quiet first impression fool you. I like to YAP. If you manage make me feel comfortable around you, I start to open the floodgates, telling everyone everything about me, all my likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Just a fool yapping my little heart out, like, here is everything about me, all the things you can strike me with. A dumb dumb, I tell ya. The hardest thing I have had to learn this year is to shut the fuck up, honestly. Learning not to get excited about people and just having a calm stance when getting to know them until they can prove to you they are trustworthy enough to hold your special marbles.

Like when the Abbé takes his time to test Dantes. He’s not just testing whether Dantes is capable enough to receive his knowledge and treasure. He’s testing whether Dantes actually values him as a person and not just for what he can provide. Sometimes people like that you have insight they can use, and then, once they feel empowered enough, they’re like, kick rocks.

The Abbé waits to see what Dantes does when he has the opportunity to escape and abandon the old man. Instead, Dantes sacrifices his own freedom and chooses to stay with him while waiting for his third seizure because he is so grateful for the wisdom the Abbé has given him. He’s basically saying, You gave me a treasure that is irreplaceable, and I’m not going to abandon you now that I have the tools to save myself. I’ll stay with you until the end, and then I’ll seek my freedom. The Abbé is deeply moved by Dantes’ loyalty and integrity. Only then does he reveal the treasure hidden on Monte Cristo. They both thank God for bringing the other into each other’s lives, even in isolation. The Abbé gains a son to inherit his wisdom, and Dantes gains a father who teaches him how to survive a cruel world. Each one sees the other as a gift from the Divine, giving one another hope in a place that seemed hopeless.

My sister was telling me, “You know, Blanca, I know you love sharing what’s in your mind and what you’re reading, and it’s good that you have a creative outlet to put your ideas into and that you have me to share them with.”

My sister is my best friend, and I can tell her anything. She lets me yap about every book and every insight that comes to mind. She appreciates it and feels like I teach her things. But she also tells me not to share it with everyone, because most people don’t care, and they don’t want knowledge or wisdom. They begin to resent you. I worry about you because you’re sharing everything with everyone, and they don’t care, Blanki,” she says to me. “Keep it to yourself, or share it with me or your niece, because we’ll cherish it.” At first I was like, but I’m not doing anything wrong. I thought I was just sharing my ideas. Like naive Dantes. What I’ve learned now is to just keep my mouth shut. Most of the time people don’t want certain information coming from someone like me. I’m realizing it’s better to hold things in until you meet people you can trust and truly be yourself with. Most people like certain things about you, and slowly they begin to hate you for the very thing they initially liked about you. They minimize your ideas, your abilities, your interests, and try to compete. Or steal them from you, while they were pretending to be your friend.

Sometimes I wish I could be on a deserted island and not have to deal with people, but I’m in the world, and how else am I gonna grow? I have to be in it, and I can’t be paranoid or afraid to be around people. As the Abbé says, I have to learn how to think and develop an armor that no one can take from me, which is to know what I can change, accept what I can’t change, and have the wisdom to know the difference. Be aware and clear of your surroundings. Understand the danger your happiness can invite, and seek knowledge and experience without becoming bitter in your heart when people disappoint you. Learn human nature so you’re not constantly the Pikachu meme with the surprised :O face when people do some weirdo bullshit. Keep your life private. Share only with those who have gained your trust and loyalty. Don’t stoop down to the world and become like the people roaming around scheming and plotting. Stay true to your morals and integrity because, in the end, your moral character and what you have done to others will face you again. Whether you like it or not, we will all face a final judgment.

Learn. Keep on learning until you get to a place where you don’t want what others have. True richness comes from the knowledge we obtain and how much effort we have given to become who God wants us to be.

That was a random rant, but as always, I hope you leave feeling a little more inspired.

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