After a long break from making my video series, which I enjoy making so much, I’m back with a new episode of The Interior Castle Series. I had to take some time away to focus completely on taking care of my beloved madre, and for a while it felt like I had zero to nonexistent free time. We are in calmer waters now, and I can finally sit down and create again.

Today I’m coming to the end of Mansion One, and I finally feel like I have a full grasp and understanding of what it means to be in this mansion.

Think of it like this. When you are in the courtyard of the soul, you are living your life like a regular person. Maybe you were given a foundation of spirituality and an understanding of who God is. Maybe you go to church once in a while. You understand there is a higher power, but you have no real desire to look deeper into who He is or how His presence in your life does or does not affect you. You are ignorant of what lies beneath the surface of your interior life. You’re focused on your life, your job, your status, your friends, and having a good time.

Then one day, something changes.

Maybe you’ve had this lingering feeling of, This can’t be all there is. A feeling of emptiness that you can’t quite shake off. A restlessness that you can’t quite find the fix for. It’s like an annoying bug that won’t let you fully be in the moment. Everyone else seems to be having such a good time, so why can’t I?

Maybe you hit rock bottom, and in your despair you reach for the memories of God and what you were taught when you were younger. Maybe if I pray, I’ll find some direction. Maybe I’ll find some relief from this emptiness I feel.

Knock, knock. You have now entered the castle.

What I have come to understand from St. Teresa is that to move into the castle, you have to have a desire to know God and a desire to pray. You can’t move deeper into the castle without some form of prayer, quiet time, or internal spiritual practice. Something within you has to begin turning toward God. At this point in the journey, though, you are not necessarily being fed consolation like you may experience in the deeper mansions. Mansion One is the beginning of grace, and the grace is the desire itself. The desire to know God, to grow closer to Him, and to become better to the people around us.

God allows us to go through some thannngs okay, and this can be a hard place to be because it’s new, it’s change, and it takes quite a lot of effort on our part. We don’t always understand why we feel this desire or where it is leading us. Meanwhile, the world is calling us back to our distractions and our old ways of being, and it’s comfortable there. So much of Mansion One is us fighting the urge to stay distracted and putting in the effort to move toward this desire to go within and connect to the source at the center of the castle. We move through this mansion through effort and perseverance, by committing ourselves to going deeper into that desire even when we don’t completely understand it yet.

St. Teresa says that in this mansion, the individual is still spiritually blind and deaf. You are spiritually weak and mostly asleep, so you can’t quite hear God yet. You can’t fully see the signs, and you can’t grasp what is truly calling you. It’s more like a feeling. A feeling to look for God. A sense that there is something more and that something is drawing you inward. This is why, especially in the beginning, it can sometimes feel like we aren’t making any spiritual progress. So much of our prayer life still requires intentional effort. We may ask ourselves, Is this real? Am I really changing? Is anything actually happening? But the desire itself is already a sign that something is happening.

We are far from perfect here, but God rejoices in the heart that desires Him.

In this episode, I explore the signs that you are spiritually progressing and how to follow that desire for God with greater conviction. We’ll also talk about the three enemies of the soul: the world, the flesh, and the dark one himself, and how these forces can pull us away from the interior journey we have only just begun.

Just so you know, I like to mix what I’m learning with my own personal reflections because these videos are really part of my own spiritual growth, too. I’m learning right alongside you. I’m no spiritual expert, just a very curious, very much still trying, regular flawed person who wants to know God more deeply. I’m also a trying Catholic, not a perfect Catholic. I’m very authentic to who I am, and if you’re looking for a cookie cutter, proper moddest conservative gal, it ain’t me. Sorry, I’m still figuring out my life, and my examples, interests, and reflections come from someone who is very much in the world, just trying not to be consumed by it. That’s really what these videos are. Me learning, questioning, reflecting, and trying to find my way closer to God and heal the chaos so I can treat myself and others a little better.

As always, I hope you leave feeling a little more inspired.

The Interior Castle: Mansion 1 | Signs You’re Spiritually Growing + Personal Reflections

Catch the full episode on Spotify — linked here!

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