So, I recently finished the book Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, and if you know me, when I’m really into something, especially when it comes to a book or topic I want to talk about it bad. I want someone to listen to me as I process my current hyperfixation. In the moment it feel like it’s the most amazing thing I have ever discovered, even though I know I’m not the first to discover it; it’s new to my world, so it feels as though I am the first to discover it. I think that if you also know me, I tend to be hyperfixated on a lot of books on spirituality and knowledge, blah blah, and I really wanted to get myself in the habit of not just reading to change myself from the inside outbut more “fun books,” I call them.

I don’t know if this has happened to anyone else, but before I went into a deep spiritual healing journey, I used to love a “fun” book. I loved a thriller, psychological, or romance fantasy book. But once I started to get into my deeper knowledge, books I don’t know what happened, but I felt my interests change. It always felt like whenever I tried to go back to one of those books, they didn’t have the same pizzazz they once had, you know what I mean? Like, I could get into a few here and there, but I always felt like, Yeah, that was enjoyable to read, I guess, but I didn’t feel like I left with anything from these books.

I am a lover of the arts, I’m not gonna lie. I love a museum, I love to learn, and I love a film. So, a few months ago, I realized that some of my favorite films tend to be period pieces and, specifically, Pride and Prejudice is one of my ultimate favorite films especially the Keira Knightley version. I could watch that movie a hundred times and it will always feel like the first. I love Elizabeth and what a breath of fresh air she is, and how down-to-earth and interesting I found her to be regardless of her circumstances coming from a crazy family. I love Darcy and his character development as he discovers his own pride and prejudice, and how Elizabeth “bewitches” him, as he says, and is so taken by her character that he reflects on himself and is honest about where he needs to grow and be more flexible in his thinking.

I know most people have read the classics when they were in grade school, but I never did. I don’t think I ever even liked to read any of the school books we were assigned, to be quite honest. But I had the thought recently, you know, since I can’t seem to get into any “fun” books, why don’t I read Pride and Prejudice? That’s a fun book and I love the movie. So, I read it and I was captivated. Obviously, the books are always much better than the movies, but after reading the book I became aware how much I actually missed in the movie and how only after reading the book could you truly get to know each character, because I was completely oblivious to the subtle shade everyone was actually giving and who the character personalities truly were.

Anywhoo, this has spiraled into me now reading the classics, specifically the ones of the films I have really enjoyed watching. I was recently watching the film Jane Eyre and I will say I HIGHLY recommend reading the book, because none of the films do it any real justice. Like, truly, what an amazing book! I know people say they have a favorite book that really moved them; I have never really had that with any fictional character other than maybe enjoying the experience of Twilight, and that’s only because I read that with my friends in high school and we would switch books and uncontrollably laugh at the movies, so it had emotional memory for me. But I have finally found that in Jane Eyre.

I know most people read her in school but, again, I did not, so bear with me as I explain my excitement and just pure love for the character, please. Because I LITERALLY LOVE HER. I also understand now why I haven’t been able to get into any of today’s modern books and series; because now that I have forced myself to read two classics, I know now why. It’s because I want to walk away from anything that captures my attention, I want to come away from it having gained something meaningful. I like when books and films and artwork leave me with something that moves me and helps me grow just a tiny bit on the inside. And now I know why these books are considered classics: because these books not only create a world for you to dive into, but they leave you with these really complex characters that you can really see yourself through as a person. In each of these two books, I have found that the characters have left me with something. I feel as if I have grown as a person by reading them, you know? I mean, you’re probably thinking “DUH, that’s what books are for,” I know, I know, but I’m just obsessed, so let me express myself as if I were the first to discover it.

When I was reading Pride and Prejudice, I really loved the details in the book, and how Jane Austen really gives you a clear view of not only the culture but the ways of thinking of the society of the time, which is the Georgian era. I like Elizabeth because she has a sense of freedom that I really enjoyed, where, yeah, she is kind of stuck to her roots, but she is clearly a free thinker and has certain values that set her apart from all the other women in the book. Her love for long walks, books, and her admiration for people she believed were humble and not full of themselves. I liked that even though the other characters like Bingley’s sister or Darcy’s aunt are judging her for her authenticity, she doesn’t really seem to care, and I love that she turns down two marriages, even though I guess she could have settled.

In both times, the thought could have passed through her mind, “This might be the only chance I get.” (been there done thought that girl LOL). Or when Darcy proposes to her, but he’s an arrogant a-hole who likes her, but he’s also deeply intertwined with what society deems proper, improper, ‘better,’ or ‘less than’ he literally thinks he’s better than her. He looks down on her and her status as a person because she isn’t as high in rank as he would want his wife to be, or because he seems disgusted with the fact that he even likes her; he thought he should be with someone society deems ‘the best’ in status. He has no tact in his communication; he just says whatever he wants without thought for how the individual will receive it. Basically, she tells him, You ain’t all that, my dude, just ’cause you’ve got money. You’re actually an asshole, and I would rather be with a fish than be married to you, because I might be poor, but I ain’t desperate. I really respect her for that—like yes, queen! I think she shows me she has self-respect because she isn’t going to swoon just because he’s had a change of heart. Like, you did what you did, now sit with it. Your value doesn’t come from what you have, but from your character and heart. I really related to her as a person and how she views individuals; I feel the same way.

After she puts him in his place and tells him about himself,how he’s actually not that great because she doesn’t value him for his money, but rather for his integrity and how he treats those who can do nothing for him—he is literally SHOCKED that my girl tells him to kick rocks, and then he starts to self-reflect. He comes to the conclusion that he is kind of a dick, and that he has held ideas about life and how things ‘should be’ that have closed him off, making his world much smaller than it needed to be. He reminds me of a guy who is good at heart, but no one has ever told him the truth because most people are just trying to kiss his butt. He doesn’t necessarily want to be a bad person, but as soon as he realizes, Wait, I’m not as good of a person as I thought I was, and this person that I actually do admire has seen something in me that no one has ever told me before. He’s okay with being an ass because, everyone else he hangs with is an ass, so it’s so normalized to be an ass that no one’s ever thought to be any different. Because he respects Elizabeth and her opinion, he wants to be a better person and not be so quick to judge others. Anyway, Darcy slowly wins you over by realizing that he does have good values. He loves his family; he loves his little sister, as he is the sole caretaker of her since their parents died, and he wants what is best for her. He treats his employees with respect and honor, and the people closest to him get to see a version that the reader doesn’t initially get to see. You realize with time that he’s a very generous soul, as he seeks to help Elizabeth by getting her little sister out of a sticky situation that could ruin their family’s whole reputation.

Elizabeth realizes that she also has pride, because she was unwilling to understand him at first; she made some understandable assumptions, in my opinion, that he’s a dick, and then she realizes, Oh wait, this is actually a good guy, who clearly feels very deeply and who’s just a bit misunderstood. They both realize how they actually have a lot more and common then their outward differences. Their values are alligned and they end up happily ever after, the end. haha Anyway, when I first read this I was like, OH MY GOD. I rewatched the movie and then naturally watched the 1995 British series and was in awe of how much more in color the movie and series came alive to me. I saw parts I had never noticed before reading the book. I thought, There is no way I will find a couple that moves me more than Darcy and Elizabeth. UNTIL drum roll please, I read Jane Eyre. Lord, when I tell you I am in love with her honesty and the entirety of the book! I love Jane as a person, I love her story, and now I think, yeah, Elizabeth and Darcy ain’t nothing compared to Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester.

First of all, as I mentioned before, the movies give the book ZERO justice, because they overly emphasize the gothic nature of the times. When you first watch the movie, you think you’re going to be watching some kind of odd scary movie, but when you read the actual book, you get to know these really complex individuals who have both individually had some really hard lives. While Elizabeth does have this really great way of thinking for her times and she does have a spirit that I initially was moved by. Jane—well, Jane is someone I really resonated with even more because Jane a real person, who’s had a hard life. She’s had a rough childhood, an orphan taken in by family members who were more worried about appearing good than actually being good. Both women are in periods in history where rank and status have a big hold on everyone and how they move or what is available to them. But Jane is different because she’s just a good ass person, and she has character. She doesn’t let anyone break her spirit and she manages to keep her humanity intact even after all the cruelty she’s faced from the world. She stands up for what is right even when it gets her punished and she’s unwilling to compromise her self-respect and integrity. I deeply admire Jane; I mean I want to say it’s because I relate to her, but honestly I want to BE like her.

I love how she’s religious but she’s what you would aspire a religious person to be, because she understands that she wants what God would want for her without being fake or performative about it. The book is filled with religion and religious people, and you really see the hypocrisy of what religion can turn into when you start to believe your own pride and prejudice regarding what you deem to be right and wrong. For example, her aunt pretends to be a good person, but she’s envious of Jane who is really just a little girl who has done literally nothing to her. She pretends to be good in the world while spoiling her children rotten and raising some pretty terrible, entitled humans. Regarding how she treats Jane, whom she took care of because both her parents had died: instead of treating this girl with kindness and compassion, she begrudgingly does the good deed. Like, if you ain’t gonna do something with love, don’t do it at all, bitch. Ugh, I really hate the aunt. How many people do we know that are like that? You assume they’re good people why? Because they have money and status, but they treat those most vulnerable like shit. 

Then there’s the school headmaster who is running a school for orphan girls, and he’s basically torturing them and using spiritual language as a way to justify his pocket getting bigger and the girls are literally starving and dying. He believes that suffering is the way the soul gets closer to God, so he thinks that by torturing the schoolgirls he’s helping sanctify them. Meanwhile, the school where these girls go is for orphan girls, yes, but families are paying for the girls to be there, so he’s getting rich and growing in status all while using religious lingo to justify his evil. Ugghh, it reminds me of the spiritual books I’m reading where we learn that you can learn all the spiritual and religious lingo you like, but if you are not growing in love then you are a hypocrite. How people make a mockery out of Jesus with how they exalt themselves! And yes, suffering is a part of life, but God does not call us to torture ourselves and others as a way to reach sanctity. Yes, we accept suffering as it comes, but we do not inflict it and call it purity.

My favorite part of the book here is when Jane is moved to the orphanage, but God always helps you find the silver lining because there Jane meets a little girl named Helen Burns. Helen Burns is this saintly girl who is deeply philosophical, and has a deep impact on Jane and helps Jane not lose her faith in God. Because up to this point Jane has encountered only religious hypocrites, until she meets the real deal. The little girl who is sick and dies teaches Jane about who God truly is. How He’s with her in her suffering and that the headmaster, no matter how much he claims to be a man of God, is farthest from Him. She teaches her how to accept her circumstances and make the best of them even when difficulties come, finding her inner light where God dwells. When Helen Burns dies theyre both laying in the infested bed looking into each other eyes. Helen tells her don’t feel bad for me as I’m going to meet my Maker and soon I will have nothing but bliss as she knows God has always loved her, I LITERALLY BAWLED LIKE A BABY. Her impact on her influences Jane character and her belief in God, as she has seen true godliness in her saintly friend.

Then theres her relationship with Rochester, now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of red flags about the man. He’s clearly much, much older than her, and Jane is young, but she slowly teaches you that she’s not necessarily naive. It is her strength in character that I really admire. And even though he is much older than her, he is lowkey kind of immature, but you do grow to love Mr. Rochester as he is described as this wealthy man who’s been living a life as a bachelor doing all kinds of things and has this possible illegitimate daughter that Jane is hired to be a governess for. Originally, you kind of feel like he’s manipulating her in terms of him trying to make her jealous of some high-ranked lady by falsely giving her the impression that he is courting this rich women, He very toxicly wants to activate passion in her, because he sees Jane as way too in control of her emotions.

He believes she won’t know she really loves him until she has the feeling of jealousy because it is the visceral reaction of attachment to another person. I was like, boyyyyyy what is you doingggg. But then you understand that really he feels that she needs to have the experience of her true self-worth, and before that moment she thinks she’s less than everyone. Through this experience she gets to see that these people aren’t actually better than her. He wants to show her these people have nothing on her intellect or her character regardless of if they have status or money. In a weird twisted way, his motive is for her to see that having money and status doesn’t mean someone is truly valuable, and he wants her to come to her own conclusion about these people because she still doesn’t see it clearly. So he says, but really he was doing too much.

Anyway, in the end, Mr. Rochester is hiding a deep dark secret of his past that he’s hiding in the walls of his big mansion. He has had a colorful life full of suffering and he’s fallen head over heels for Jane not for her looks, because everyone is always emphasizing how dang plain my girl is, but because it seems they are two people who have a deep soul connection, who have met their equal in mind and spirit. Their declarations of love are cut short when Mr. Rochester, in his deep desperation for another chance at happiness, has his secret discovered that he is hiding a double life. He is actually married; in his defense, the lady is literally crazy, and not in the fuck boy “my ex is crazy” kind of way—she literally is Looney Tunes and she lives in his attic. He secretly tries to marry Jane while his wife is still currently alive, and Jane, being the self-respecting person that she is, does forgive him because she sees the humanity in him and sees past his flaws, but she has a deep self-respect for herself for doing what is right and just. And Bitch, Jane ain’t no mistresss, OKAY.

She will not succumb to her passions if it means losing her self-respect and what is correct and ordered. She literally runs for the damn hills (no exaggeration). She runs for it when she feels she cannot control herself and her feelings for him and decides the best decision is to live away from him. She runs, and they both separate and go through deep transformations. Jane transforms from a girl to a woman; she grows up and she goes and makes something of herself. She inherits a fortune from a random family member and she matures into this amazing righteous woman who has an opportunity to marry again to another dude, Sir. John, who’s on some fuck shit. He wants to marry her out of convenience and religious duty, not because he actually loves her. He sees in her a great worker and someone who’s eager to please, and he has an immature way of processing his religion. He’s another example of immature spirituality in Jane’s life.

He wants her to go to India with him to be a missionary. There are moments when she questions if she should take his offer as she doesn’t know if she will ever get the opportunity to marry again. As she reflects, she realizes that she doesn’t like the person she becomes when she’s with John. She feels indebted to him because he saved her when she had run away from Mr. Rochester, and he has a coldness about him that she feels eager to please, but she doesn’t love him. She feels she is a shell of a person when she’s around him because she cannot be herself and he imposes all these female religious rules on purity and being his assistant. The whole time I read about him, I was like, hell no, girl, run for the damn hills.

At one point where he is able to entice a moment of passion in her and she almost succumbs to his offer to marry her, she calls out to God. “God, what should I do?” and she hears Mr. Rochester’s voice: “Jane, Jane, where are you?” And she knows in an instant that this is not the man for her. So she stays true to herself and goes to find out what has happened to Mr. Rochester. To her astonishment, she finds out that an accident has happened, and she runs to Mr. Rochester whose crazy wife has died and he’s now fucking blind. Like, my dude can’t catch a damn break, but this is the moment you realize that they really do love each other and that it’s not just an infatuation, but two souls have met soul to soul as equals.

I thought Darcy was inspiring because he changed for the love of a good woman. But Rochester’s development is so much more profound to me. By the time we meet Rochester, he’s already accepted a life of debauchery. He basically believes he’s destined for hell anyway. His life has been so difficult that he no longer sees much reason to pursue goodness. Then Jane comes into his life. Jane inspires him to saves his own soul. He finds God again and thanks Jesus for having mercy on him by giving him Jane a truly good woman who loves him. Because of her, he vows to live righteously for the rest of his days. Rochester isn’t changing because he wants to look good in Jane’s eyes. Unlike Darcy, Mr. Rochester ain’t becoming proper for nobody, okay.  The man is authentic, a bit odd, a complete weirdo, honestly. But he’s fundamentally a good person. He’s deeply confused and morally compromised in many ways, yet you can tell there’s goodness buried underneath it all. Even with his first wife, he kept her in his home with staff to care for her because he refused to send her to an asylum. At that point in history, many asylums were essentially torture houses. He wanted to spare her that fate, even though it caused him immense suffering. He didn’t love her, but in his own strange way, he still respected her humanity. Jane changes him because of who she is as a person. She inspires him to save his own soul. He can’t believe someone like her exists when all he’s ever encountered are people trying to use him, manipulate him, or gain something from him.

I was talking to my bos about his and we came to the conclusion we both think a lot of people would prefer Darcy because he’s the stereotypical hotshot every girl wants to tame. He’s the proud, wealthy, emotionally unavailable man who softens for the heroine. And yes, he genuinely grows. But to me, Darcy’s transformation isn’t a conversion of the soul. He becomes humbler and more emotionally open, but I still get the sense that he believes he’s above most people because of his position. Rochester is different. He’s a man who’s been betrayed by his own family, scarred by life, and convinced he’s been dealt a terrible hand. He resigns himself to the idea that life is miserable, so he might as well chase whatever pleasure he can find. Then Jane quietly shows him another way. Not by preaching. Not by trying to fix him. Simply by living with integrity. Her righteous character reveals that there is a better way to live without losing your soul. That’s why Rochester’s story moves me so much, because he believed he was beyond redemption discovering that grace had not given up on him.

He’s a weirdo, but he’s not controlling in the end. He wants what is best for her and treats her as an equal, even when she was poor with nothing but her name. He always believed in her value, even when she didn’t see that in herself yet. He gives her the opportunity to choose differently, saying, “Listen, I’m this broken man. I’m blind, and I’m much older than you. Are you sure you want to be with me when you could be with anyone else?” And she chooses to be with him because they genuinely love each other. She can be herself fully with him. The last chapter of the book, where she describes her love for him, had me in tears. I read it like 10 times. There is a mutual need, respect, admiration, and sweetness in the way they view each other and their life together. It’s a mutual dependence and affection rooted in genuine love. 

So while I once thought Pride and Prejudice was my go-to, no… it’s Jane Eyre. The maturity and character development of both characters, and the depth of both of their stories, are just next level. They’ve both gone through incredibly difficult lives, but they find happiness in each other’s company. At the same time, Jane never lets go of her values or morals to be with him, which I deeply admired. She never compromises who she is. it isnt until the wife has died, that she finally accepts to be with him. The proper and ordered way, she always deserved. 

I wish to be like Jane.

Uhh anyway, as always I hope you leave a little more inspired! That was my rant about my current obsession. I’m all done! Sorry for all the spoilers, now go read the book yourself, pleasee!